Just yesterday, on Facebook, there was a quote from Mark Twain: “The world owes you nothing.” It made me think about the evils that unthinking parents can visit on their children.
That, though, was not enough of a spur to make me try for a serious comment.
Later I ran into a man whom I do not know but could not ignore. He was a man of my years (almost 70) and was clearly depressed and in distress. I introduced myself and asked if I could join him. He grabbed the opportunity as though it were a life-vest and he was drowning.
Seems this old man has worked hard all his life. Married and raised a family. Bought a nice house and finally paid it off. Came time for his children to go to college and he, like many other parents, helped them financially and co-signed for their student loans.
Now he finds his life is coming to a close because of a health issue that medical science cannot overcome. He has, in the course of his medical problems, been forced to spend his retirement savings and take out another mortgage. Fortunately he has insurance sufficient to cover the mortgage so he could leave his wife at least their home.
And then he opened his mail.
The children are in default on the student loans and the responsibility now falls on him. The home will have to go.
His spirit is exhausted.
Happy ending? I don’t know. I gave him such encouragement as I had in me. Eventually he went his way and I went mine.
Because of a motorcycle crash, I am dealing with a number of doctors. Two of them are in their late forties or early fifties and have extremely successful practices. Both are surgeons. Each of them has a large support staff. And each of them still labors under the weight of his or her student loans. Neither is certain of the outcome.
My friend, do you have children? As they approach college age, ask yourself some very serious questions. Are they truly college material? Or would they do better in a trade school?
Yes, college graduates with meaningful degrees (medicine, business, engineering, etc) make more than other folks. And so do people who have trade school educations. When my plumbing goes bad, I want it fixed and will pay whatever I must pay. When my car breaks down, I will pay a person to tow it to the shop and I will pay a mechanic to fix it. My insurance company just paid a small fortune to fix my motorcycle. When my pump stops working, I don’t put it out for bids. I call my well man and pay him whatever it takes to get me water.
Let us, though, suppose that one or more of your children actually are college material and have a passion for something requiring a college education.
Here are a couple of shockers.
They do not have to go to Harvard. Neither do they need to live at college the way that they have lived at home.
One, especially when young, can live in a dorm or in a small rented room with a bathroom down the hall. A bed is nice, but not really necessary. That’s why they make sleeping bags. One doesn’t have to drive a Cadillac or BMW – one may well be able to get by on public transportation. Sleep? You can do that later, when you’re old. Ramen noodles are food. So is rice. TV? Don’t you have school work and a job? Smart phone? Why?
My Uncle George went to the University of Georgia and studied Animal Husbandry. The school was a few hundred miles away. He hitch-hiked (it was a different time – and safer). You think that’s hard? Well hang on. Seems he had, as a part of his schooling, to raise a bull. He did. And then, when it got to be time to go home, he (and his bull) hitch-hiked home.
No student loans. He worked. He worked hard. And then he went to school, and then he went to work, and then he went to school, and then he went to work… No student loans.
And therein is the purpose of this writing.
My Uncle George knew that nobody owed him anything.
And he knew that all he had to rely on was youth, the health that comes from being active and abstaining from self-abuse, a good mind and a desire, a passion, for cows and all things cow-related.
Nobody bought him an extended cab, 4 wheel drive, luxury appointed pickup to drive to and from the high school. He had to get from Waynesville to Nahunta. He either snagged a ride on a passing freight train – or he ran. Yes. Ran. From the house to the school was probably 13+ miles. He did his chores and then he ran to school. Then he ran home to do more chores and study.
Friends, he had a wonderful life, made a great success and became quite wealthy.
No student loans.
Nobody owes you nuthin. Okay?
Parent, you want your child to grow up and be something? Okay, get out of the way and let them do it. Talk to them. Find out where their passion lies. And then direct them – but get out of the way and let them learn to work and live.
Hard? Yeah. So? Do you love them or do you not?
Summary:
1. College or trade school?
2. If you truly want to be happy, follow your dream, your passion.
3. No student loans. Earn it.
And 4. Don’t nobody owe you nuthin.
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